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Update 1:39pm : The proof the skeptics were looking for – Merritt Island toddler drowns in swimming pool
It’s a sad fact of the world that we have all become so incredibly skeptical of everything we see or hear. The Balloon Boy hoax is still pretty fresh in everyone’s mind. But even with this skepticism, we should not jump to cruel accusations whenever we suspect that someone may be lying to garner sympathy. Even if you’re 95% sure something is a hoax, WHAT IF YOU’RE WRONG?
I was thoroughly disgusted this morning to learn that several Twitter users were harassing @Military_Mom, whose two-year-old drowned in the pool last night. The medal for the most callous goes to @MadisonMcGraw, whose tweetstream looked like this:
Here’s the thing. I can understand her skepticism. I’ve been in the position of the skeptic before. But Madison never seemed to stop to think of the heartless torment she was piling on Shellie if she was wrong and this isn’t a hoax. And Shellie hasn’t been soliciting donations or publicity.
Notice that Madison’s tweets all contain Shellie’s username. That means that Shellie’s mentions tab copied each of these tweets for her to see. If your son died, would you like to wake up the next morning, clicking on your mentions tab looking for messages of support from the friends who don’t live nearby, only to find that someone is suggesting that you made up the story of your son’s death for money and false sympathy? What a horrible, horrible accusation. And every single request that Madison tweeted asking for media “verification” was like a knife in poor Shellie’s heart.
Show some class, people.
I was an admin at the now defunct game Project Rockstar for many years. The PR community was very close, and people struck up friendships in the forums over the years. We had a number of people who faked their own deaths and the deaths of their parents for various reasons. And though the admin team remained skeptical, we’d keep our suspicions to ourselves out of respect and the fear that maybe we were wrong.
There is a way to verify the truth of such stories without coming across as a heartless monster. You can ask for the address of the funeral home and the time of the service so you can send flowers and make sure they get there on time. (And if you get the address… SEND THEM.) But it takes time for arrangements to be made, so you can’t expect that the family will have gotten everything settled in under 24 hours.
Madison should take note. If she wanted to check with the news outlets, she could have contacted them privately via email instead of tweeting about it and making sure that Shellie saw every single one of her accusations by copying her on the tweets. And as other moms on Twitter have said, it only happened yesterday. Shellie’s family is still being contacted to inform them. They don’t make news reports until they know the family has been informed. And her son was a minor, so the family may choose to keep the “news” private. The local news doesn’t report every single death. Obituaries aren’t necessarily printed for several days, as the family has to figure out what they want the clips to say and figure out how to pay for them… Obituaries are not cheap.
You can be as skeptical as you want, but never forget that you could be wrong. And your thoughtless words could be causing unspeakable pain in the heart of a person who is really suffering.
It hurts when you find out that your own sadness was in vain for something that turned out to be a hoax, but I’d rather feel that pain in believing the story first and trying to offer support, than the possibility of my skepticism hurting someone who is already in real pain.
That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Christina Gleason, Christina Gleason. Christina Gleason said: Skeptics need to show some class. I'm talking to you, @madisonmcgraw http://kl.am/Skeptics […]
I’m sad for whatever made this person so insensitive in another persons grief- and someone she doesn’t know at that. Its outrageous that blind strangers believe they are entitled to proof of another persons childs death.
For the record, this person also stated that we were taking “donations” and its very clear she doesn’t read well since I only added my address for CARD purposes and very clearly stated we would not be accepting any monetary donations at this time until everything is cleared w/ her family.
To me, she is just looking for a way to capitalize on another persons incomprehensible tradgedy. In many ways, I am more sad for her then any one else. I wish her peace as well.
Trisha
AMEN! Thank you for writing what many of us were thinking.
Well said.
Some people are just classless AND heartless.
This is why I fear for the future of humankind.
“show some class, people.” Exactly.
I think it’s a totally different matter to fake the death of an older relative vs. the death of your own child. Only the most hardened hearts could ever imagine the death of their own child. It is the worst nightmare of every caring parent and it is a tragedy that I wish on no one, not even my worst enemies. I’ve buried a child. I know.
Well said. Thank you.
Well said and well written! I can’t believe the people that choose to harrass grieving strangers. Additionally, I don’t see anyone ASKING for donations. Momdot.com offered an address to which one might send letters of support and condolences, and added that if you wanted to (which many people do) she would provide a place for other donations. That is not a solicitation, just someone trying to be helpful. So sad. My heart breaks for her family, and I’d love to slap some sense into the nasty people of the world.
The whole thing became obvious when Madison McGraw not only quadrupled her followers in a matter of hours, but placed her thoughts in a closed blog post next to an advertisement for her books. To her, the truth of what has or has not happened is irrelevant: she wants to make money off it regardless.
Pretty soon all the media outlets she’s haranguing with her self-righteousness will put two and two together and their question will not be “can we verify this story” – rather their line of enquiry will be “who is this woman, why is she so interested in a story which does not impact her in the slightest, and what is her motivation?” Perhaps she should have thought of that before she sought to capitalize on a child’s death for personal profit.
Heather,
I noticed her follower count going up as well. It made me very angry. I refused to visit her blog post because I didn’t want to give her the pageview.
This post was well-written and you got your points across better than the “mommy mob” who was calling for twitter account removal due to “harassment” and reporting blogs for being vicious, etc. Calling names and slinging insults does nothing to “further your cause”…and this goes for both “sides” of the issue.
The fact of the matter is is that some people are natural skeptics. For some the glass is half empty and people have to prove they are trustworthy before being trusted. There’s nothing wrong with that…that is just how they are. But for a person like this to write about their opinions-that a story should/needs to be verified- and essentially be burned at the stake for it is censorship in it’s truest form.
I have been following this from the beginning and I know first hand that Madison McGraw started getting defensive and her tweets started getting more aggressive once the mommy mom set out to absolutely lynch her.
They may be rude, and heartless and going about it the worst way possible. But it’s their right to voice their thoughts and opinions. Are they calling for Shellie to have violence brought upon her because she’s lying. ABSOLUTELY NOT! THAT would be criminal. They are merely stating their opinion that they feel her story may be fishy and/or need to be verified.
And for the record, @Trisha your post does NOT clearly state donations will not be accepted. In fact, it’s wording says otherwise, “If you want to donate money, you can contact me directly for her paypal address till we can set up a more formal fund for her.” While you may tell those people who contact you that donations will not be accepted until everything is cleared with her family, your post- the post in question- does not state this.
Finally, as a journalist myself, we are taught very early on about the importance of ethics in journalism. I also know there are no laws against a news report being done on a child dying in an accident and it has nothing to do with the parent’s consent.
While ethically some may feel that such a report shouldn’t be done, that does not mean it can’t or won’t be done. If the local media deems this a “newsworthy” story, then they have ways to get their information. Some say that a report has to be completed first. This is untrue. Have you never seen those “late-breaking” news pieces where they say they will keep you up to date as more information comes in?
There are no winners in this. As you pointed out, if it is true then a family just suffered an unspeakable heartbreak that is compounded by the fact that some people took issue with the mother voicing her grief and appreciation over social media. If it’s not a true story then there are some very very sick people out there whose little “experiment” snowballed into a huge storm.
Either way, there is bad behavior being exhibited by both sides.
This post was perfectly written. I don’t personally know Shellie, but my heart broke for her last night as I read of her loss. Shame on people for the heartless words they use without thinking of the feelings of others. Everyone deals with grief and stress in different ways. If people want to criticize her for posting for prayers after finding her son, apparently they don’t believe in prayer and the help it can bring to a grieving family. If you want to blame her, apparently you don’t have children. It takes two seconds for a child to wander off. If you are a mom then you have felt the scared feeling of not knowing where your child is if only for a second. If you need to have proof, that is your own sick mind choosing to believe the worst in others. I on the other hand choose to be someone who believes in others. As I said, I don’t know Military Mom personally, but not once did my mind go to I wonder if she is lying! If I am wrong so be it, but I won’t have to be the one who knows I added to the pain of a grieving mother. Shame on the people who don’t think about the things they do to others.
I can’t blame people for being skeptics (especially online), but this is borderline harassment…Nice write-up!
Thanks for this post. You’ve said what we’ve all been thinking!
I don’t know Shellie, or Madison. All I know is I’m sickened by the whole thing. Shellie won’t be the same ever again, and she’ll never forget the way Madison has behaved. I can be a skeptic, and certainly know Twitter (and countless other websites) to be full of them, but wow. And yes, if something ever happened to my darling Joe, you bet Twitter would know.
Why? Because there are many of my followers (such as you) who actually MET him, and know us. Hell, those who haven’t met us personally still know us, and are my friends as much as the neighbors down the road. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family. Well said, Christina!
It’s been interesting to observe the classic bullying tactics in use from Ms McGraw today. You usually see them in bad workplace situations, not personal interactions. I hope she gets the help she needs to work through the ghastly spite, bitterness, and hatred which drives her life. The irony is, I know a lot of MilitaryMom’s friends will be praying for her as well, which is a hell of a lot more consideration than Ms McGraw will ever spare for any of them.
Great post. I’m glad you touched on the fact that many were unsure what to think or believe (esp those far removed from the situation and who know nothing about Shellie or her family; namely ME). I didn’t know anything either and wanted to figure out what the fuss was about the comments made from others, not from her or her friends. I did some searching of my own and contacted the Brevard County Sheriff’s department, and then NBC Orlando to ask them if they were/would run a story to get some help.
Yep, I was skeptical at first. “Hmm, I want to tweet this but I don’t know anything about this family. Let me check first.” I blogged about it, too, from where I was at that moment in time, wondering who all these people were and what was happening and “Dear God I hope it isn’t true…” I mentioned in my post that I could very well be wrong in thinking the “maybe not” and quickly posted as soon as I knew what the true story was.
I agree with the improper use of the @ for each and every post, and knowing now that the story is true makes it even more sad and heart-stabbing to know what Shellie thought/felt if she was checking twitter today.
While I felt vilified for asking if this was true during the first few minutes of the brouhaha (yep, got called names), it is amazing to see the love and support for Shellie and her family.
The news story everyone is linking came quickly after one reporter heard about the story, so kudos to them and kudos to the community supporting Shellie with their love and prayers.
I’ve read several posts about this whole ordeal and this is one of the best. And Michelle, a few comments above mine, makes some excellent points.
I think blocking and ignoring this Madison person would have been more effective than fighting back and demanding that her account be removed. Don’t read her tweets, don’t read her blog. Now that the story has been verified, sit back and let her eat that big ol’ plate of crow.
But keep in mind, people who are saying that being skeptical is natural and at times necessary are NOT siding with this Madison person, so lumping us all together and labeling everyone “assholes” doesn’t accomplish anything other than alienating people who were remaining neutral. Plus it just adds to the list of bad behaviors that are giving Mom bloggers a bad name. I know you ladies are a tight-knit community and I know you are all quick to rally around one another in times of tragedy but perhaps being so vicious towards people on the outside just does more harm than good. Saying that they understand skepticism is NOT the same as saying that it’s okay to publicly hound someone in such a cruel, callous manner.
Beautifully said.
It is one thing to be skeptical when a horrible tragedy is initially broadcast across Twitter, but it’s another to attack the person who is the subject of the story. Madison is guilty of harassment, without a doubt. Since she clearly considers herself a detective of sorts, she should have done her “investigating” in private rather than chronicle her “research” to the mother.
Horrible tragedy and horrible aftermath.
As one of those in the “mommie-mob” calling to spam-report and block those nasty people, don’t give me that journalist crap. That was pure unadulterated evil. When someone tells you they have lost a child you keep any “quandry” to yourself. Plus to use someone else’s tradgedy to increase your book sales is disgusting. Not only did we in the “mommie-mob” act appropriately,we are proud of what we did to protect a grieving parent and we would do it again.Take your self-righteous journalistic crap somewhere else. The fact that some can’t even see that there was a difference between harrasing a grieving parent and trying to protect that parent is raeally sad commentary on our culture.
Perfectly said, Christina.
I don’t know Shellie but funny enough I don’t think she lives that far from me. I only recently came back to “personal” blogging so the names are new and unfamiliar. But none of that matters, you hear a mom just lost her child and there are no words. But the fact that some people can be so heartless and uncaring does somehow, even in today’s society, have the ability to shock me on some level.
My niece died at 7 months old from SIDS. It was the hardest thing I have yet gone through in my life and I know if it was my child it would be soooo much worse. When it happened, my sister wasn’t on good terms with the father. To make a long story short his family accused my sister of smothering her. It was beyond horrifying to deal with what happened on top of the things they were throwing at her/us. There is little greatness in the autopsy showing that absolutely was not the case. Which is similiar to the demanding of proof. I really wonder what is wrong with some people…
I have no problem with skepticism. Wait before you send money. Send money only to the hospital or funeral home. You can even wait until you ReTweet. You can even Google the story. But pestering the local police and newspapers with calls just hours after the incident? And repeatedly tweeting that you haven’t gotten confirmation yet? Writing a blog post and labeling it “Twitter Hoax”?
And as you said, including the handle of the mom in all of this? Forget her tab, she probably had alerts on her phone until she no doubt shut them off.
As if that isn’t bad enough, once McGraw’s skepticism is debunked, she hops on to harangue the grieving mom.
Since she wants to play detective, I’ll play dime store psychologist. I think this McGraw woman is trying to get publicity out of someone else’s tragedy.
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