Gotta Give This Scammer Points for Creativity

Yes, I know this email was an attempt to scam me out of money, but I caught a phrase or two before I deleted it. I’ve gotta give them credit. At least they are getting more creative. I’m going to use bold print to emphasize my favorite passages; comments in italics are my additions.

Spammers are Clever

This post originally appeared on ChristinaGleason.com, which I am repurposing.

MS Maria Cristina Gam
CREDIT ACCOUNTS OFFICER
HEAD OFFICE
BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK
12 ADB AVENUE,
ORTIGAS CENTER,
MANDALUYONG CITY
PHILIPPINES.

Good Day,

I sincerely ask for your forgiveness for I know this may seem like a complete intrusion to your privacy but right about now this is my only option of communication.Though,this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest medium of communication. However, this correspondence is unofficial and Private, and it should be treated as such. Therefore you should take this information to yourself because all the information you have here is very very confidential and reality. (OMG! Reality!)  This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind; but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility. This mail is written and intended to solicit your assistance to be presented as NEXT OF KIN to my late Client’s estate. Considering the sensitivity of this email to you, I advice that you keep its content to yourself. [Oops.] If you are not willing to do this with me, please delete this email an [Oops again. I think you left out a few words!]

Let me start by introducing myself, I am Mrs. Maria Cristina Gam, CREDIT ACCOUNTS OFFICER BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK. [ALL CAPS MEANS IT’S TRUE!] I am writing you this letter based on the latest development at my bank, which I will like to bring to your personal edification. I am writing you this letter with so much joy and excitement even though my heart goes out to the very powerful and distinguished gentleman who I was fortunate to have worked for and extremely privileged to have known for numerous years. I was a top official in charge of client accounts in EQUITABLE PCI BANK in the Philippines which has now been merged and is now a part of BANCO DE ORO UNIVERSAL BANK.

In 2001, my client was going through a horrendous divorce in the United States of America and was on the verge of losing most of his estate to his vicious and diabolical wife. [That is my FAVORITE PART. The vicious and diabolical wife.] As a result of this alarming predicament, my client came to me with a very brilliant idea. He transferred some funds, ten million two hundred thousand dollars ($10.2m) to a fixed deposit account in my bank under an alias which only the two of us knew about as the confidentiality of the matter was necessary for his protection.

Due to his untimely death in early 2002, the funds have been sitting in the account ever since and will continue to do so perpetually unless we do something about it. This is where you come in. I located you through an agency that helps seek people by their email. [Are they hiring?] My client did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I would like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to my client so that you will be able to receive his funds. I want you to know that i have had everything planned out so that we can come out successful. I have contacted an attorney who will prepare the necessary documentation that will back you up as the next of kin to my client. All that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names [All of them!] and Address so that the attorney can commence his job.

After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favour for the movement of the funds to an account that will be provided by you. There is no risk involved at all in the process as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documentation. The allocation of our money will be as follows: 40%($4.02m) to you for your part in this,and 60% for me. I think this is extremely fair, [oh yes, totally fair] as you have nothing to lose but just a little time, while on the other hand I am staking my flawless reputation among other things. And besides $4.02 million is no pocket change. Once you are approved, the entire transaction should take no longer than fourteen business days after which we will go about our daily business, but just millions of dollars richer. As you can see this is easier than taking candy from a baby, [tired cliche; have you ever TRIED taking candy from a baby?] but mind you, trust is something that is developed over time and [damn paragraphs keep getting cut off]

Again, I will be in charge of everything else. I will assume all responsibilities for this endeavour so you don’t have to worry about any legal ramifications, [just the jail time for illegal wire transfers] just what you will do with all that money. Your urgent response is highly anticipated so please email me through this email; (}for more details on this transaction as soon as possible. This should be kept very secret and confidential. I believe you know. [See how well that works out for you?]

Kind Regards,
Ms. Maria Cristina Gam
mariacristinagam@yahoo.com.ph

So feel free to email Ms. Maria Cristina Gam and pester her about her “perfectly legal” operation to have a complete stranger overseas declared next of kin for a former client who entrusted her with millions of dollars over a decade ago. Untimely death? If I didn’t know this was all BS, I’d have to wonder if she killed him and had been trying to figure out a way to get his money all this time.

As a matter of fact, I think this could be the plot of a fairly awesome made for TV movie. Who wants to write the script? It’s like a soap opera. No, a telenovella. All I ask for in return is 60% of the royalties. I think this is extremely fair. 😉

Christina Gleason (953 Posts)

That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a professional copywriter, editor, and blogger. My company is called Phenomenal Content. (Hire me!) I’m a relatively high-functioning Aspie who also lives with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. I am not ashamed to admit that I am in the care of a psychiatrist, who assures me that people in therapy are often better adjusted than “normal” people who are not, because at least we know what our issues are and are working on them. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and select types of gaming, including World of Warcraft and Plants vs Zombies 2. I hate vegetables. I have an intense phone phobia, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or IM instead. I have started writing no fewer than five novels, and I hope to finish one of them...eventually.


Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge