On Being Completely and Utterly a Sensual Being

The word sensual has become synonymous with sexual, but it’s not really about that. Not completely, at least, although that act is a very sensual one. Merriam-Webster gives one definition of the word as “relating to or consisting in the gratification of theĀ sensesĀ or the indulgence of appetite.” Some people have this thing called “willpower” or […]

A Small Fortune in Supplements Just to Find Normal

A few weeks ago, I posted about how awful I felt after starting on a methylation protocol. I’m happy to report that it’s gotten much better. Here’s why: These are all* the supplements I’m currently taking. This is in addition to the prescription medications I’m on for insomnia, anxiety, and depression. * I seem to […]

The Past Few Weeks of Overmethylation Hell

I have some posts that should have been written and published recently, but my brain just won’t have it. I’ve been trying to follow the methylation protocol recommended for people with the MTHFR mutation that I have, and it has been rough. When your body hasn’t been getting enough folate to fuel the methylation cycle, […]

That Time the Rheumatologist Told Me He Was Baffled By Me

I had what may have been my last appointment with the rheumatologist on Monday. He’s done as full of a workup as he could do. But as he said, and I quote: “You’re not exactly the easiest case…I’m baffled.” There was conversation between the two statements, but that pretty much summed up my visit. Tags: […]

Life Hurts

Just two weeks ago, I had to promise three different people at three separate times that I wasn’t going to hurt myself. I didn’t, and I wouldn’t, because even at the deepest depths of my depression, I want to live. But I was low enough that three people who care about me very much asked […]

My Completely Unhelpful Skin Biopsy Results

Okay, so ruling certain diagnoses out isn’t entirely unhelpful, but I guess I was hoping for all of this stuff to make more sense. The dermatologist faxed us the results from my skin biopsy, and the most important fact that could be determine was that my rash is not a lupus rash. But since it’s […]

I’m Missing a Chunk of My Arm Today

I went back to the dermatologist today for a biopsy. (Thanks to my friend Jillian for unexpectedly giving me a ride!) I know they’re looking specifically for Subacute Cutaneous Lupus Erythematosus (SCLE). Dr. Grant said she’d be sending half the sample for a “regular workup” and the other half for an immunologic workup. Now, I’ve […]

Still No Diagnosis, But He Didn’t Say It’s Not Lupus

“I’m not saying it’s not lupus,” my rheumatologist told me yesterday, “but we didn’t find any of the markers we tested for…What I’m saying is we don’t have a diagnosis yet.” I’m torn between relief and frustration after this latest appointment. On one hand, if I’d had a definitive diagnosis, we could have moved forward […]

12 Vials of Blood Later…

I had my first appointment with the rheumatologist today. Dr. Abraham is a very nice man who asked me a lot of questions and wrote a lot of notes down during our 35 minute visit. I only had to wait about 5 minutes in the waiting room, and Dr. A knocked on the door to […]

How to Survive a Therapeutic Soak

So you have [insert name of physical illness here] and it’s been decided that you should take a nice bath to soak away what ails you. There’s a cliche about moms wishing they had time for a nice, hot bath to relax, but when you find yourself facing about half an hour in the tub […]