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5 Supposedly Romantic Songs That Are Actually Really Creepy

Happy Valentine’s Day! Before you send your significant other that sexy or romantic playlist of hand-picked songs, try to make sure you’re not sending the wrong message. There are a lot of “love songs” out there that have decidedly creepy undertones that people don’t really think about when they squeal, “OMG THAT’S MY FAVORITE SONG!” Here are five of them.

Say, what's in this drink?

“Father Figure” by George Michael

This song has such a sexy rhythm to it, and George Michael’s voice is just, well…it can do things to a woman. But playing on a girl’s daddy issues is not sexy. It’s worse when you literally tell her you want to be her father figure. Incest is not sexy.

I will be your father figure (Oh baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine (I’d love to)
I will be your preacher teacher (Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind (It would make me)

Um, eww? And it gets worse.

That’s all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken
For a crime
That’s all I wanted
Just to see my baby’s
Blue eyed shine

If your love can be mistaken for a crime, you’re talking statutory rape. Just… no. Keep this song far away from your sexy playlist.

“Crash Into Me” by Dave Matthews Band

I love the Dave Matthews Band. Dave’s voice turns me on. And I confess, I do really love this song. But it’s not a sweet, romantic love song. Not even a little bit. It’s a song about a stalker, a sneaky peeping Tom. I think that’s why they went for an artistic music video instead of trying to tell the same story as the lyrics. Oh sure, it sounds all sexy and seductive at first…

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I’m bare boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
Into me, baby

But then you realize he’s not actually with her…

Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well

Hey there, creepy stalker. Likely a creepy ex-boyfriend stalker, if we go back to the first verse.

Who’s got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart I’ll beat again

Yep. Nothing says love like your ex-boyfriend skulking outside your window and watching you undress.

“Every Breath You Take” by The Police

Honestly, I’m not sure why anyone ever found this song romantic. Even Sting thinks people are crazy if they take it as anything but a song about unhealthy obsession.

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you

If they were together, it would be bad enough. Anyone that controlling is perpetuating abuse. But they’re not together…

Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please

She left him. Probably because he was an abusive, controlling jerk. And now he’s stalking her.

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you

I fear for this woman’s safety, and she really should take out a restraining order. Is that the message you want to send to your Valentine? I thought not.

“Marry Me” by Train

On its surface, this is an incredibly sweet and romantic song. I admit, it makes me swoon a bit, since I’m in a happy marriage.

Promise me
You’ll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

Sigh. So sweet. What wife wouldn’t love that? It would work really well in actual marriage vows. But…

Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will

All of these beautiful things he says…and he’s never actually spoken to the woman. He’s planned out their wedding and their entire future together, and she doesn’t even know he exists. It reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera stuffing Christine into a wedding dress after he’s kidnapped her and brought her to his underground lair. So if he finally does talk to her and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, what then? Does he turn into the “Crash Into Me” or “Every Breath Your Take” stalker? Even if she is interested, he’s got this all planned out… no pressure or anything. Oh, and don’t worry, he’s got your wedding dress all picked out for you. What girl wouldn’t love that kind of thoughtfulness? Oh wait…

“Home” by Phillip Phillips

It’s supposed to be so comforting and reassuring. I know that, for me, “home” is where my family is – my husband and my son. And this song makes that promise.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

They’re using this song to promote that Josh Duhamel movie Safe Haven, too. It makes sense. We’ve all got our baggage, and traumatic things in the past make it hard for some people to trust anyone, to feel safe again. But the same people who are vulnerable in this way and need someone to treat them well are also vulnerable to those who only appear to have good intentions.

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Maybe it’s just because we have a cult in our neighborhood, but that sounds like exactly the sort of thing people use to lure unsuspecting new members to a cult. You’ve had it rough? We can make it better. We can show you the way. You doubt our sincerity? It’s just nerves. Oh, and you’ll never get away from us either. We can always find you and bring you home, where you belong, with us.

Your relationship is not a cult. You can do better than this.

Christina Gleason (833 Posts)

That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a professional copywriter, editor, and blogger. My company is called Phenomenal Content. (Hire me!) I’m a relatively high-functioning Aspie who also lives with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. I am not ashamed to admit that I am in the care of a psychiatrist, who assures me that people in therapy are often better adjusted than “normal” people who are not, because at least we know what our issues are and are working on them. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and select types of gaming, including World of Warcraft and Plants vs Zombies 2. I hate vegetables. I have an intense phone phobia, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or IM instead. I have started writing no fewer than five novels, and I hope to finish one of them...eventually.

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{ 5 comments… add one }

  • Nichole February 15, 2013, 11:43 pm

    Yes! There are so many gross, creeper pop songs. “One Way or Another” by Blondie is also on my Songs for Stalking playlist.

    • Christina February 16, 2013, 12:02 am

      Yes! That’s totally a stalker song, too.

  • The Mommy February 17, 2013, 7:10 pm

    My personal favorite creeper song is BNL’s “The Old Apartment”. It endorses vandalism, stalking and breaking and entering all in one song! Gotta love that!

    • Christina February 17, 2013, 7:30 pm

      I have to say, I love that song. The best part is the bridge where he’s singing about how “happy” he is in his new place with his new girlfriend. Right before he goes back to trashing the place. :-)

  • smalls March 29, 2013, 11:38 pm

    I feel like that Clay Aiken song, Invisible, should be on this. I mean, it starts out creepy!

    What you doing tonight?
    I wish I could be a fly on your wall
    Are you really alone?
    Who’s stealing your dreams
    Why can’t I breathe you into my life?
    What would it take to make you see that I’m alive?

    And the ever-loving chorus that you never want to sing in public, but so many people did!

    If I was invisible
    Then I could just watch you in your room
    If I was invincible
    I’d make you mine tonight

    AHHHHHHHHH! Then it gets sad. It is literally that forlorn stalker that you were probably nice to ONCE and they want to be with you forever.

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