It happens…and you dread it. You don’t want your special needs child to ever feel ashamed of what he or she is, but there’s always a rude stranger who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care about your kid’s challenges. Here are 10 things you can say to deflect rude comments.
- My child has [insert special need here], and s/he deserves to be treated with respect like everyone else.
- I don’t believe I heard you properly. I think I’d like to keep it that way.
- I would appreciate it if you apologize to my child for hurting his/her feelings.
- I teach my son/daughter to be polite to people. Could you please rephrase that?
- Would you like to rethink what you just said?
- I hope you didn’t realize how hurtful it was to say something like that.
- My child has special challenges, but that’s no excuse for you to be rude.
- [Explain what your child's special needs are if the person seems ignorant but reasonable.]
- Did anyone ever tell you the world is full of people with different challenges? I guess yours is a lack of tact.
- Please don’t ever speak that way to my child again.
How do you respond to rude comments from people? Do you have any examples you’d like to share with us?
This post originally appeared elsewhere. Thanks to all of our visitors from TweetMeme! Feel free to tweet me up at @WELLinTHIShouse.
That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a professional copywriter, editor, and blogger. My company is called Phenomenal Content. (Hire me!) I’m a relatively high-functioning Aspie who also lives with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), depression, and anxiety. I am not ashamed to admit that I am in the care of a psychiatrist, who assures me that people in therapy are often better adjusted than “normal” people who are not, because at least we know what our issues are and are working on them. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and select types of gaming, including World of Warcraft and the cash competitions at WorldWinner. I hate vegetables. I have an intense phone phobia, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or IM instead. I have started writing no fewer than five novels, and I hope to finish one of them by the end of 2013. My favorite wine is a cheap cranberry chablis, and I would prefer a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy’s over a fancy dinner at a five-star restaurant any day.
Tags: rude, special needs
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Love this post! Will definitely share it. Thanks Christina
Special needs or not, when someone is rude to your child they deserve to be put in their place. I am such a mama grizzly bear when anyone is rude about or to one of my children. Still …and they’re adults. lol
Great article! I shared on my facebook page.
Thanks so much for sharing!
2, 4, 5 & 9 winn for me- respond with an attitude to a rudders. I wish I had those answers when I needed them.
Thankfully, have never experienced blatant rudness or unkindness. Lack of knowledge, curiosity, yes. I try to make these experiences a learning experience for the individual and it feels great to be able to share with someone what our journey has been. It took a long time but I have realized thhat no one can make me feel anything and this is something I am instilling in my child.
Great article, hope it will make people think twice before being rude to children with special needs. Makes you think these people who are rude need help.
Let’s all practice ‘person first’ language please. ‘Child with special needs’, NOT ‘special needs child’.
Thanks!
That was a great reminder. Sometimes, we forget how much our words or wording can hurt someone, and we’re not meaning to be rude.
Comment I use often is
I am proud mum of my child can your mother same thing about of you and your ignorance?
I reckon my sister said it best when she came up with this. “disablilites aren’t contagious but ‘stupid’ is, parents give it too their children all the time, by not teaching them on how to be decent people, simple things like ‘dont stare’ used to be a basic lesson you taught children, not so much anymore apparently, by the sounds of it, time to stop the spreading of stupid and start educating.”
My problem is the kids that stare…and keep staring at my daughter. She has special needs and has FEELINGS. Smile at her as she smiles at you. What I do..is stand in front of my daughter and stare right back..until they look away. My daughter has Trisomy 10p and it is rare. What is not rare are Rude people!
Joyce Holder – I couldn’t agree with you more! I grew up with physical limitations that were very obvious and because of people’s stares and rudeness I was very self consious. As I grew up I learned to tell the difference between the people who were curious and who were just plain rude. I have no problem explaining to people about my limitations (I refuse to call them disabilities!) if they really want to know. The rude ones that ask “What’s wrong with your legs?” I respond with “Nothing. What’s wrong with you?” That shuts them up in a hurry and I walk away feeling satisfied.
I was in a small crowd of women and the wonderful question of ” What is wrong with her?” I am thinking that some one’s child has been hurt and look over to what they were watching. It is my daughter. The question that is asked when ever someone is different from other children. After the shock wave it me I said, “Absolutely nothing, she is perfect and she is mine. Now what is wrong with you!”. My daughter has SPD and AD. She is very sensitive to other’s when it comes emotions and what she did was stop kicking the ball in the game so she could sit down and take care of the child that missed the ball.
Delta, that is so sweet of your daughter. I can picture my son doing something like that.
I get when children stare they most likely do not know any better. When I have an adult stare it is down right rude. My son is 3 and has Down Syndrome. I get the stares and the quite talk. I always look at them and say yeah he is special needs what’s you excuse. They will walk away or they will ask me questions. My favorite is you are to young to have a child with Down Symdorme. The statistics show tht even though older women have children with down syndrome. Younger women though have baby far more often. So you chances of having a child with down syndrome is more.
I have found over the years that some people come off as rude but they really just don’t know what to say. Being curious is a big part of who we are as humans. My daughter has cerebral palsy and is totally dependent on my care so I feel that not only am I her arms and legs but I also represent her voice. So I feel my job is to help educate people. If I notice a child staring and asking their parent what is wrong with my daughter, I try to use that time to educate not only the child but the parent that is usually at a loss of an explanation. I will sometimes make a joke about her wheelchair costing more than a really nice used car to break the ice. But I think if I react in a rude manner then the person that may have made a statement that was not the most sensitive to my child will then walk away with an attitude that not only is there something wrong with my child but I also must be so burdened by my child that it has made me bitter. I want people to see that she is the most special thing in my life and that I don’t love her any less than if she were “normal”. That she is also a person and even if she can’t talk or get around like everyone else she loves the same things we all do. So I try to make sure that what I say doesn’t allow someone to walk away with even more reason to be rude to the next person they may see with a disability. I think they need to walk away with a bit of the sunshine my daughter shines with her smile and a little education too. I have had many people actually thank me for taking the time to talk to them.
Pam, that is so insightful.
My daughter takes awhile to warm up to people and typically hides behind me when addressed by strangers. Some people take it personally and then feel free to be rude to her.
I can’t control their behavior but I can control mine.
Many years ago, I learned to say, “Something happens to everybody, if we wait long enough.” That made the rude people stop talking and think about their own families.