You Pitched Me

So you sent me some form of pitch to cover something here on my blog. Unfortunately, it didn’t work for me. There is a variety of reasons this wouldn’t have worked out, but the most common one is that you pitched me something that just doesn’t fit with my life, my blog, or my readers.

The Bad News First

The picture up there is a picture of my son, my only child. The Cutest Kid Ever. If you pitched me something for girls, pregnancy, babies, toddlers, or teenagers, it missed the mark. If you pitched me something about celebrities, any sort of apparel that costs more than $50, sporting goods, exotic travel, or something else I don’t care for, maybe you should consider doing a little more research to target the bloggers you pitch for each client.

You may have been directed to this page because you addressed a form letter to me with “Dear Blogger,” something similarly generic, or the wrong name. (It’s Christina, not Christine.) Relatively minor offenses here, but the lack of attention to personal detail doesn’t make me feel particularly drawn to the deal you’re trying to make. If you were to actually offend me with your pitch, be aware that I will totally blog about it.

You may be here because you sent me a straight press release with no compensation offer – or an insulting offer. I will not give you blog coverage for free, for coupons, for a link from your site, or for a “chance to win” anything. There are a few exceptions, but I have to already be invested in your brand to consider this. I cannot review items via high-res images. Also? Don’t ask me to return product samples.

You may be here if you tried to buy text links from me. I used to work for an Internet marketing company. Clients pay thousands of dollars a month for you to find links for them. I know what those links are worth. But I also nofollow compensated links on my blog so I don’t get smacked with the Google hammer, so you’re probably not interested anyways.

Or maybe your bad spelling and grammar made me cringe. I write and edit for a living. It hurts my brain to see the way some people mangle the English language. It’s also highly unprofessional if you can’t represent your client using proper English.

The Good News

One bad pitch doesn’t have to mean the end of our relationship. Unless, of course, all you do is send generic press releases to me about products I have no use for. Then I would appreciate it if you kindly took me off your mailing list. How can you win me back?

• Pitch me something relevant to my life and my blog. I’m a happily married 30-something mom with one school-aged son. My son TJ has Asperger Syndrome. I have Asperger Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, depression, and anxiety disorders. My husband and I are techy gamer geeks – I’m the World of Warcraft variety; he’s more open to games on different platforms. We can always use things to relax. Dining out is our vice. We hate most vegetables, but I like sneaking nutrition into my family’s diet. TJ likes the stereotypical things boys his age tend to like. I need help finding affordable clothes that are flattering for my figure. Does this paint a decent picture of what may or may not be relevant to me?
• Compensation counts. Unlike traditional journalists, independent bloggers don’t get a paycheck for doing what we do from any sort of employer. The newspaper reporter is getting paid by her publication, whether she uses your press release or not; I get paid with advertising and advertorial dollars by working with people like you. I will review products and/or include them on a gift guide in exchange for sample products. If you don’t have a sample product for me, I need to be compensated for my services monetarily. PLEASE SPECIFICALLY MENTION THE COMPENSATION YOU ARE OFFERING IN YOUR PITCH.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you’ve gotten this far, that means you care enough about forming good relationships with bloggers to have made the effort. To really go that extra mile, use the word “impeccable” somewhere in your next email reply to me, and I’ll know you did the work. Feel free to ask me questions to determine which of your clients might be a better fit for my blog, and we may have a great future together!

Credit where credit is due: I got the idea for this page from The Bloggess, who sends PR folks to a picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper when they send her bad pitches. I’m so not on the same level as her, but I liked the concept… and I thought I’d add the bit where I mention the part about possibly working together in the future.