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I recorded this video earlier this afternoon. It may be hard to watch, especially if you struggle with depression and you have triggers concerning grief and loss. I really tried to keep this at three minutes, as is the golden rule of online attention spans. But as I am in the middle of an actual depressive episode, that didn’t happen. I discuss the anniversary of my grandfather’s death, the physical symptoms my depression causes, and the unfortunate social fallout when friends don’t understand what depression really means.
Please watch if you would like to understand how clinical depression is very different from people who get “depressed” for a few days when something bad happens. Maybe it will help you understand yourself or someone you care about a little bit better.
That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.
I know that you’re good about seeking help when you need it. Please make sure you get some extra sessions in this week, to give yourself some space to breathe. It is important to remember the severity of mental illness, and the reality of mental illness, and the importance of seeking treatment to move to healthier places, so thank you for the reminder.
Your post, rawness, vulnerability and honesty spoke to me. That is me in November and December. November 18 my then 11 year old daughter passed away (brain cancer). 7 days later was Thanksgiving, 21 days after her passing is her birthday and then Christmas….not to mention “Happy New Year”. Yeah, whatever.
Once Halloween hits, I just want to sleep the rest of the year away.
I’m glad you have a doctor to have therapy with. I have NOT been able to find one and it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve been through MANY. My family doctor manages my meds and my PTSD and depression have me on disability. I feel safest in my house.
I’m also glad you have friends who care about you. I don’t and it’s okay 362 days a year (Xmas, tgiving and my bday being exceptions). I think I just shut myself off from the world cuz maybe it’s easier for me to not develop a friendship than to risk the pain of it.
I don’t know….I”m rambling. I just want to say I feel you and I understand. I really do.
I am so sorry you haven’t been able to find a doctor who can help you. I’m sorry you don’t have a support system of friends who can help you either. I have a few very good friends who help me quite a bit, and I am still reeling from the pain of a recently lost friendship – but the good friends are worth it.
Know that there are people who care online. Feel free to reach out when times get hard. Twitter and Facebook have shown me amazing outpourings of support when I need it.
I’m sure you will not remember (I had to be reminded myself) but we met briefly at the Type A conference, I am Nicole Smiths friend. I just wanted to tell you Nikki shared your video with me and it touched me. I thought it was incredibly brave of you to come out and talk about such a sensitive and taboo subject. I just wanted to reach the screen and give you a big hug.
Thank you for taking the time to watch my video and reply. Mental illness is a subject of such discrimination, but I know there are so many people like me out there.
Thankfully, I’m doing much better now. But I want people to know that it’s okay to “come out” and let people know when you’re hurting.
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