Looking to lose weight? The Mommy Diet can help!

Being a mom is busy work. Who knew it could help your weight loss plan? Check out a typical day’s meal plan on the Mommy Diet:

• 8:00 AM – Three Cheerios, partially digested by the saliva on the tiny hand that shoved them into your mouth as you tried to feed Cutest Baby Ever his breakfast.
• 8:27 AM – Three more Cheerios (you hope) shoved into your mouth as you pulled Cutest Baby Ever out from his exploration behind the couch.
• 9:00 AM – One cup of coffee (cold) that you had naively tried to drink at 8:00; Half a bite of the microwaved breakfast sandwich that just doesn’t taste good once it’s gotten cold.
• 12:00 PM – Four bites of… does it really matter what it was? Cutest Baby Ever starting throwing his lunch all over the floor, and you had to abandon whatever you’d prepared for yourself to clean it up. Even if it was a double bacon cheeseburger, you didn’t eat enough of it for it to matter.
• 1:20 PM – One cup of strawberry yogurt, four graham cracker squares, and a banana. Your fridge was surprisingly empty of anything except for kid snacks, and you couldn’t run to the store because Cutest Baby Ever was napping, so you made the best of it.
• 6:30 PM – One small green salad, one slice of veggie pizza.  You managed to convince Daddy to pick up some takeout pizza on his way home.  Unfortunately, before you could grab a second slice of pizza, Cutest Baby Ever managed to get a hold of the box that you thought was out of reach, and it ended up overturned onto the floor.
• 7:10 PM – One mouthful of bath water; you are unsure how many calories there are in baby wash.  But Cutest Baby Ever certainly enjoys splashing.
• 9:00 PM – One glass of red wine, to relax after Cutest Baby Ever’s bedtime.

Exercise regimen: Are you kidding me?  After wrestling to feed and clothe Cutest Baby Ever, cleaning up all his messes, bathing him, playing 100 games of peekaboo, and everything else involved in being Mommy, who needs exercise?

Christina Gleason (976 Posts)

That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.