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Last week’s IMG Cleanse topic was gossip, and I didn’t have too many problems tackling that particular brand of nastiness from my Inner Mean Girl. This week, however, was far more of a challenge: taking my inner Comparison Queen down a notch or three.
The daily affirmation for the week was: “I am inspired. I easily appreciate myself and others. I am OH SO GRATEFUL.”
I do try to be grateful for things in my life, as it’s a quality I’ve been trying to instill in my son. Appreciating myself is a little more difficult, though, especially when I’ve been straddling the line of anxiety and depression these past few weeks.
My inner Comparison Queen has been working overtime with both of her sinister faces – the inferiority complex and the superiority complex. Depression is really great at feeding an existing inferiority complex. Admittedly, I am a terrible housekeeper. Truly horrible. And I’m made to feel inferior about this on a regular basis. My mom shakes her head when she stops by. We have friends over and they tell me not to worry about it, but I still feel like I should have done better. We do have the EcoMaids do a biweekly cleaning for us, but in between times, it can look like a tornado came through our living room.
But I did conquer my Comparison Queen at least once this week. TJ just had his 5th birthday, and we have tons of new toys all over the house. I got sick and tired of having toys all over the floor everywhere I looked, especially since every other toy seemed to be cheap and plastic from some sort of kids meal. So I thought of my friend Ali and how she said she’d love to organize my house as an example of her work so she can become a professional organizer. And as I was starting to have palpitations looking at how much work needed to be done for my great toy purge, I sent her an IM looking for some support.
She offered to actually come over and help me. There was a moment where I felt like crap having to ask for her help doing something I should be perfectly capable of doing myself. But I stopped it. I accepted her help, and I really did appreciate her ability to tell me it was okay to throw out the crappy fast food toys and sort through the rest of the piles. TJ’s toys are far more manageable now, and for that I am grateful. It was Ali’s ability to organize things that inspired me to tackle the toy problem in the first place, so I thank her for that.
The superiority complex is a bit trickier. I’m an editor, and I’m successful because I really am that good at what I do. It’s too easy for me to look down on others who make very basic grammatical mistakes in their writing. It’s not a nice thing to do, but I’ve found it difficult to stop. I’m trying to re-wire it so that I’m not thinking I’m a better person, though, just a better writer. Because I don’t want to be a pompous jerk. Yeah, I’m an awesome writer, but I’m socially awkward. People have me beat in face-to-face interactions. I need to remember to appreciate my strengths without getting cocky, and appreciating other people for their strengths, since we may be able to help each other with the things we’re not particularly good at. Right?
I have a long way to go before I get my inner Comparison Queen to stop menacing me so much. This will definitely be an ongoing project, since a week has barely made a dent in her bad behavior. I’ve still gotten down on myself for my lackluster wardrobe, my nonexistent skills with hair and makeup, and other things.
But at least one way this comparison thing has worked to my advantage, even before the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse started, was that it makes me try to be better. When I know I’m going to be seeing Ali, I try not to look like a slob, because she always dresses nice. I do the same thing when I know I’m going to be seeing my sister-in-law Meghan, although Meghan inspires me to put on makeup as well, because her makeup always looks so nice. She’s a nice Southern girl, and she is a magician with cosmetics! I had her do my hair and makeup for a networking event I went to over the summer. At least in this respect, I may be envious of how effortless Meghan and Ali make it look, but it’s inspired me to try to do better myself. And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?
Our next challenge is OBLIGATION. This one’s going to be just as tricky as COMPARISON, I fear!
Disclaimer: I have received no compensation for my participation as a Self-Love Ambassador. This is something I am doing for myself. If, however, you would like to sign up for the fall session of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, which starts on September 22, 2010, I do receive a commission.
That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.
My friends and I are always trying to remind each other that we can’t be good at absolutely everything. In my perfect world, communities would utilize each member’s strength and help each other with the the weaknesses. I hope that through efforts like the IMG Cleanse and other group activities like that, that we’ll move towards that kind of society. And I always remember something that I read, but I can’t remember where I read it; “No one wants, ‘She had a very clean house’ written on their headstone.”
Ah, housekeeping. That was also on my list of areas where my Inner Mean Girl is brutal. It takes courage to admit our shortcomings and how we perceive them, but reading posts like yours definitely makes me feel more “normal” and human. Thanks for sharing!
P.S. Christine – I think my husband wants “She had a very clean house” on my headstone, and therein is part of the problem… 🙂
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