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With Valentine’s Day coming up next month, I got to thinking about romance. You remember romance, right? It’s that thing you used to enjoy before you had kids. (Maybe it’s why you have kids!)
Time and energy are at a premium when you have little ones, so romance often disappears for long periods of time because it just takes too much work. But there are some things that we can do to take the work out of romance. Mommy, here are some things you can do to help Daddy* get the romance going.
(* I know that not all mommies are romantically involved with the fathers of their children. But for simplicity’s sake, I’ll be using Daddy to mean Mommy’s husband, boyfriend, or any significant other.)
Tell Daddy what Mommy likes. We tell our children to use their words instead of throwing a temper tantrum or whining, but we often don’t follow our own advice. Instead, we hope that Daddy will magically know exactly what we want, and we are secretly (or not so secretly) disappointed when he doesn’t deliver. This is unfair to both Daddy and Mommy.
But telling him what you want doesn’t only apply to flowers. Tell him if you want to get a sappy card, or a certain type of gift, or if you don’t really expect anything at all except a little affection. Just let him know what it is you’re looking for, or else he won’t have a clue. As much as we’d like our men to have a psychic connection to our needs, wants, and whims, it just isn’t so.
You can be romantic, too. Daddy shouldn’t shoulder all of the romantic responsibility. Mommy can help! For me, I know that I usually bum around in whatever is most comfortable because I work at home. My pajamas generally consist of flannel pants and an oversized concert t-shirt. It’s not exactly encouraging any romantic gestures. Just putting on a nice outfit, even for a few hours over dinner, can tell Daddy that Mommy is trying to switch out of Mommy-mode for a change. Maybe you have something you know he likes you to wear, or maybe you want to splurge and treat yourself to a new outfit that will catch his attention. You can find some cute outfits at CoutureCandy or Save up to 80% everyday on all Women’s Apparel at Overstock.com!
You can also let him know you’re in a romantic mood by giving him a shoulder massage; you can certainly ask him to reciprocate. Ask him what he would like; he probably won’t tell you what kind of flowers he likes best, but you may get some surprisingly helpful information.
Enlist outside help. If at all possible, recruit a family member or babysitter to take charge of the Cutest Baby Ever so that Mommy and Daddy can become just a woman and a man for a few hours. Whether you use this time to go out to dinner, catch a movie, take a walk, or just stay in for the evening, it’s nice to be able to recharge yourselves without worrying about the demands of the kids. It is possible to share some time to yourselves after bedtime, but there’s still the underlying knowledge that the little one in the other room could wake up and need you at any moment. And that can really kill a romantic moment.
You can’t be a good mommy if you don’t take care of yourself as well as you take care of your family. You have to take a little time for yourself – if not every day, at least once every week. Guilty Mommy Pleasures will discuss different ideas on different ways to do this.
That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.
