After a tearful therapy session today, my psychiatrist told me I’m an emotional gladiator. We were discussing the vast topic of loss – not just death, but failed relationships and the loss of much of my independence due to physical and cognitive issues over the past year. I’ve been mourning the loss of my ability to do all of the things I used to be able to do – like working full time or walking without a cane – but he told me, after reading my 4,000+ word essay on loss I wrote for him, that he admires how strong of a fight I’m putting up to do anything. He re-framed it for me, that I could have given up, given in to my ailments, told my clients I’m closing up shop and applied for Social Security Disability. (I would qualify if I wasn’t lucky enough to have my freelance clients.) But even though it’s hard, and I feel like giving up sometimes, I’m still in the fight.

Gladiator

I get why Katherine Stone calls all of us in her Postpartum Progress community warrior moms. We fight depression and other mental health issues. We fight stigma. We fight being judged for every little decision we make. We fight our own thoughts of guilt, worthlessness, and doubt.

We fight.

I’m in the arena, and I’ve taken a lot of hits. But I’m not done yet. There’s been no thumbs down signaling it’s over. I’ll fight even when I’m too weak to stand. I’ll fight even when I’m sure I’m doomed. I’ll fight even though I’m sick and tired of fighting. Because the alternative is unacceptable to me.

What’s your fight?

Christina Gleason (976 Posts)

That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.


By Christina Gleason

That’s me: Christina Gleason. I’m a writer, editor, and disability advocate. I'm a multiply disabled autistic lady doing my best in this world built for abled people. I’m a geek for grammar, fantasy, and casual gaming. I hate vegetables. I cannot reliably speak, so I’ll happily conduct business over email or messaging instead.

One thought on “Are You an Emotional Gladiator?”
  1. My battle is parenting (one kid probably aspergers) while I have bipolar disorder – and a lifetime of being taught fundamentalist Christian beliefs that mental illness is actually not real :/ getting help – which I am now doing was a battle. http://lanahobbs.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/mental-health-from-shame-to-seeking-help-intro-bipolar/
    Sometimes I feel like I battle my brain, but nowadays I am trying to work with it as I recognize BPD isn’t my fault. Just my ‘special’ brain.

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